How to Be Happy -- Part I

I get asked all of the time, “How do you stay so happy?” My nickname at a few of my jobs was Sister Mary Sunshine, or sometimes just Sunshine. I usually smile and say, “I just have big teeth. It only looks like I’m happy and smiling all of the time.”

Really, I’m not qualified to tell you how to be happy. Happy is something I struggle to be all of the time. I walk on a tight-rope of happiness and sadness all of the time – who doesn’t? I have, though, learned a few tricks along the way that keep my walk a little tilted toward the happy. I’m going to share these tricks with you. I have to do this in a few blogs because there are so many of them. They are all somewhat equally important, so just take and use what you want. They won’t all work for you.

Who knows, maybe I’ll make you a little happier, and that, my friends is what life is all about…

• Exercise, exercise, exercise. No really, just exercise. Whether it’s walking the dog or running a marathon, just get up and exercise.

•Get some sunshine – every day. Go outside and face the sun. Walt Whitman said, “Keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you.” It’s true.

•I talked about personality types before (see June). Figure out what makes your personality type happy and do it. For example, if you are an introvert, make darn sure you get alone time – as much as you need.

•Find joy in small things. Whenever I see a cardinal, I smile. For me, a cardinal is a sign of hope, a little message telling me that everything is going to be okay. Figure out what your personal small joy is and bask in it.

•Believe in God. It is so nice to share the burden of this life. He can carry a big load.

•Remember that you are not alone. We are all connected by this crazy thing called life force. Look around you. You are never, ever going to be alone. Even if you were at the top of a mountain, all by yourself, someone is connected to you in spirit. Someone cares about you.

•Surround yourself with positive – positive people, positive TV, positive movies. Read the paper or the internet instead of watching the news on TV. Then you can skip over the icky stuff. I read a quote on Pinterest that said, “Spend life with who makes you happy, not who you have to impress.” That’s good advice.

•Sleep. Take naps if you need to. But don’t freak out if you don’t get enough. That won’t help you. Eventually you’ll just pass out, so don’t worry. Somehow you’ll get enough. And maybe you just don’t need as much as everyone else.

•Fake it until you make it. Get yourself up and slap on make-up and a smile. If you’re not happy, just act happy anyway and happiness will follow. And believe me, that smile you just slapped on is going to make someone else happy, so just go with it.

That’s all for today. There are more to come. I’m going to leave you with a quote from Mother Teresa: “Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.” So smile. I’m smiling at you now. :D

Silver Linings Part 2

I just got home from yet another vacation filled with silver linings.

This time the family went tent-camping in the mountains of New Mexico. It was a great family-bonding experience. There was no electricity at the camp site, but we did have water (really, really cold water). And showers, sort of. Okay, so maybe not actual showers – more of a drizzle in a shower-shaped stall that had a button that had to pushed every 10 seconds or the water shut off.

It rained while we were there – every night. The silver lining? Our tent didn’t leak. And it was great sleeping with the sound of rain on the roof of the tent.

On our first full day in the mountains, we went for a 2.6 mile hike on the side of a mountain. While we were hiking, we got hailed on. We had no shelter, and we had just stopped under a pine tree to eat our sandwiches. What started as rain gradually upgraded to a lovely shower of pea-sized hail. The good thing? It wasn’t baseball-sized hail.  And as my daughter sat shivering in the hail with her wet shorts and t-shirt, she said, “This is the coolest thing ever!” The Doritos got a little soggy, but the cookies were fantastic. Even my wizened 19-year-old said, “This is how a vacation should be.” Who would have thought…

We decided to relax the on the day after our hike by going to a hot springs spa. This was going to be the highlight of our vacation (at least for me). We used to look for caves to explore on family vacations. Now, we’re changed our focus to hot springs for the old, achy bones. I was so excited. We got there and I started handing out the swimming suits. Guess who forgot the bottoms to her suit? Of course, it was me. Lucky for me, my son was wearing a pair of sliders that he could do without that I could wear. And even luckier for me, he had worn his black ones, not his white ones.

On our way home, we stopped at a Benedictine monastery north of Santa Fe (Christ in the Desert). It is a beautiful, peaceful place, bursting with the spirit of God. I drove on the way to the monastery. My husband drove on the way back. The road to the cloister is a 13 mile rock and red dirt path perched at times on the side of desert mountains. It takes a full hour to traverse it. On the way back to civilization, we got a flat tire. The road was so bumpy, we didn’t even feel it. Lucky for us, a car was behind us that flagged us down to tell us (and we thought they were just wanting to pass). We completely shredded the old tire. Again, lucky for us, we didn’t damage the metal wheel. And our spare was in good shape. And the boys got to climb one of those desert mountains while Dad changed the tire (“Best part of the trip Mom!”). And Dad was driving (not Mom) when it happened – thank you, God, for small favors.

We had to change our travel plans and spend the night in Santa Fe instead of Amarillo since our spare was a small one, and Amarillo was way too far to go on that spare. Santa Fe is cool! And we had really great New Mexican food. And the hotel didn’t charge us a fee to change our reservation. And Wal Mart was still open so we could buy a new tire.

You see, if you look hard enough, you can always find the silver linings in the dark clouds. What could have been a disastrous vacation was actually an amazing adventure. It’s all in the attitude. And chocolate helps too.

Embracing Your Personality

My son is very interested in the Myers- Briggs Type Indicator. This is a personality test that shows how you perceive the world and how you will most likely make decisions, all based on a series of questions. There are many ways to take this test. I like http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp. There is also a good one at http://www.25quiz.com/. Basically you are typed as four different letters – either an E (extrovert) or an I (introvert), an N(intuitive) or an S (sensing), an F(feeling) or a T (thinking), and a J (judging) or a P (percepting). The web sites above can give you all of the details of what each category means, as does Wikipedia. I love personality tests. I guess I’m always trying to find myself, and then when I do, I think it’s funny.

I am an INFP most of the time. Occasionally I test as an INFJ, but I think I do this because society really wants us to be J’s. I have adjusted to society’s demands and developed my J side in response to these demands. You see P’s fly by the seat of their pants. J’s are the ones who are always on time, who plan things, who are organized and structured. J’s are the good employees and the good students. P’s are the ones who like surprises and don’t really know what is going to happen tomorrow. P’s will plan as a means of security. That is what I do. I plan to make myself feel safe and to have things to look forward to. I’m usually on time like a J, but I stress a lot to make myself be on time. I don’t think a true J would stress over it; I think it would come naturally to them.

So, when I realized that I really was a P deep down inside, I decided to embrace this facet of my personality. It’s okay to be a bit “flighty,” as I was called as a girl (“free-spirited” is what I like to be called now). You should be proud of your personality type – rejoice in it. Find the good things of your type and feel pride that you are like that. Everybody was made in a different way, and the world needs all of those different types. No one type is any better than any other type. P’s need J’s, and J’s need P’s. That is how I came to tell my son that I have decided to embrace my P-ness.

Say it out loud. I said it several times before I realized why my teenage sons were snickering every time I said it and telling me not to say it again.

But I say, go ahead. Embrace your P-ness, and whatever else you want to embrace – as long as it makes you happy and lets you know that you are wonderful just the way you are. 

The Rules of Driving in Texas

I want those who move to Texas to know a few of the rules of driving down here.

#1 Use of the Horn – I got honked at today. My feelings got hurt. I plotted revenge for a full four hours. My husband asked, “What were you doing?” That is not the right attitude. The question is, “What is wrong with that person?” I decided to cut this person (yes, you, in the gold car, whatever kind of car it was) some slack. In Texas, we do not honk at someone when it is their choice whether to go or not. It is just not done. For instance, if someone is waiting for traffic to clear before going, you DO NOT honk at them. Your horn should be used sparingly in this southern state. We are a very polite people. You may honk (and by honk, I mean gently tap on the horn, not lay on it) if a light turns green and the person has not gone after a slow count of 2-Mississippi. Or, you may honk if someone begins to change lanes in front of you, a little too closely – again, a light tap. The only time you may either lay on the horn or tap repeatedly is if you see someone you know. This is a friendly way of saying “Hello!” The horn is not a means of communicating anger. Repeat – the horn is not a means of communicating anger. You may use the middle finger, under the dash, for this. And you may call other drivers any sort of creative string of cuss words that you want, as long as you smile while doing it. Remember that we are allowed to carry concealed weapons in Texas – and we like our high-powered weapons.

#2 Two Lane Highways – On the highways where you have one lane going in either direction, if someone gets up on your tail because they want to pass you, it is proper etiquette to pull over onto the shoulder (slowing down slightly) to let them pass. And then, and here is the most important part that no one is remembering these days, the driver that was allowed to pass should either give a little wave to say thank you, or if he has tinted windows, he should flash his emergency flashes for a couple of seconds to express appreciation.

#3 The Fast Lane – Ok, so we like to speed in Texas. If the speed limit is 65, it is assumed that you will go at least 70. Rumor is that you can get away with eight over, but I wouldn’t want to test that. That being said, if you are not going at least 10 over the limit, you ONLY get in the fast lane if you need to pass. In case you are unaware, the fast lane is the far left lane on a highway. If a big ol’ pickup truck gets right up behind you while you are in the fast lane, that means you are going too slow in that lane. Pull to the middle. And by golly, if you are going to pass, speed up to do it.

#4 Tailgating – Just don’t do it. It’s stupid, rude, and dangerous. If someone is not going fast enough for you, just pass them. Good grief.

That should be enough to get you by while you are down here. If you have any questions, please ask. And if any of my Texan friends can think of anything I forgot, please add away. Now, drive safe, y’all.

Sweet Sweat

I am a sweater -- not a soft, furry, warm thing to wrap around you. I'm talking about a dripping down my face, wet underarms sweater. I've always been a sweater. In high school, I didn't have an air conditioner in my car (in West Texas), and I had vinyl seats. I used to drive to school leaning forward off of the seat back so that my shirt would not show my sweaty back. After all, women aren't supposed to sweat -- we're supposed to "glisten."

I have been doing Bikram Yoga lately which I love because it embraces my sweatiness. We do yoga in a room that is maintained at 105 degrees, and sweating is highly encouraged. This, though, is one of the few times that sweatiness is a good thing.

In my last blog entry, I mentioned that I have started taking care of an older gentleman in his home. I went to his home to meet him and his wife as part of the interview process. I was a little nervous, their house was a little warm, and it was 101 degrees outside -- elements of a perfect storm for a sweater.

As we talked, I first felt my underarms getting hot. Of course, I had worn a cotton shirt that showed sweat. We stood up to go and look at something, and I felt a trickle of sweat go down the backs of my knees. Then I felt a spring of water sprout on my back. So, as I stood up, I realized that not only did I have big sweaty rings under my arms, but now I also had a lovely stripe of sweat going down my back, and I probably had little creases on my khakis behind my knees where the sweat had started.

They hired me. Amazingly, after all that sweating, they hired me. I can imagine the conversation after I left:

"She seems like a nice girl," the wife said.

"Mmm hmm," the husband answered.

Then there would have been silence until one of them said, "A bit of a sweater."

Then they would have both nodded and shaken their heads, in pity. But eventually the worry would have been overcome as they would have said, "But she'll be okay. We can't hold that against her."

I'm sweating a little right now just thinking about it.

Hey, I wonder if anyone is willing to pay money for sweat...

Selling My Body

My one desire in life is to stay home and raise my children. Okay, so that's a bit dramatic -- maybe not my one desire. I want to go to Antarctica, I want to go up in a hot air balloon, I want to get a book published. But I really, really love being a stay-at-home mom.

In order to stay home with my kids, I have to figure out a way to pay for my sons' college (yes, plural). I have two in college now. I am terrified of working full-time as a nurse, and I have not become the rich and famous writer that I dream of being, so I have to get a bit creative. Nothing illegal, just creative.

A friend of mine suggested that I write about some of these things. I think she thinks I'm a little crazy.

One of the things I do is get on focus groups. You know those people with the clipboards in the mall who want to know your opinion that you avoid eye contact with? Well, I walk up to them. I've made a few bucks here and there by giving my opinion on things like mounting tape and razors. It's kind of fun, and I've gotten really good at telling people exactly what I think. The pay varies, but if I actually get chosen to be on a focus group, I can make around $100 for a few hours of talking.

A month ago I entered a brain study. I did a bunch of memory tasks while the examiner did an MRI of my brain. $30 an hour. Not bad. I even got $10 to spit in a tube. I told the pastoral assistant at my church that I was selling my body. She shook her head. She knows me well.

I heard there was another study going on that they pay participants $10 a test tube for blood. I'm trying to get into that one. I wonder how many tubes they need... I think I heard the name of the study group was DraculaInc. Does that sound suspicious??

Now I'm going to help take care of an older gentleman one day a week. Yeah, it's actually nursing. But I don't think it's going to be scary. There are no open wounds and nobody is in labor.

I wonder how much I would get for donating plasma? Isn't that one of those things they pay you for? What about a kidney?

You know, things would be alot easier if I would just win the lottery...

A Funny Story

So, I’m supposed to be writing a synopsis for my romance novel. Writing synopses is not one of my favorite things. So what am I doing? I’m going to tell a slightly bawdy story. It’s not too bad, but if you’re squeamish, you might want to stop here.

I was waiting for my daughter to get out of her gymnastics class the other day. I don’t usually socialize – I’m the mom with the laptop fired up, typing away, occasionally glancing over my bifocals to make sure my daughter is still alive. I intersperse my romance writing “He ran his fingertips down her soft skin…” with mental commands to my daughter, “Point your toes!”

That is probably what got me in trouble.

The mom on the couch across from me was talking to her two-year-old son. He had just cleaned the floor with his hands.

“Come here, Timmy, and get some hand sanitizer,” she said. (I changed the names to protect the innocent.)

Timmy looked up at his mom, then looked at his hands, then shook his head. No hand sanitizer necessary, he had decided.

“Timmy, you’ll like it,” his mom said. “It’s new. It’s G-Spot scented.”

Okay. So right here was when my eyes shot up from my laptop and I accidentally swallowed my Altoid. I really, really wanted to see the woman who had bought G-Spot scented hand sanitizer. And a badly curious little side of me kind of wanted to know not only what a G-Spot smells like, but also how the manufacturer figured that one out.

Apparently the mom sharing the couch with the mom of the toddler was curious as well. For the record, both of the moms sitting across from me looked perfectly normal, very mommish in their decently lengthed shorts and t-shirts. The curious mom looked to her couch-mate and said, “Hm. I’ve never heard of that one.”

To her credit, her eyebrows were only slightly raised and her mouth was not letting in flies (unlike my own at the time).

“Oh, you haven’t? It smells really good. Here have some,” the boy’s mom said.

I was about to reach my hand out and ask for some when the curious mom asked, “What was that scent again?”

“It’s juice box scented.”

Ohhhhh. G-Spot, juice box. Whatever.

So, now back to my synopsis.