The Rules of Driving in Texas

I want those who move to Texas to know a few of the rules of driving down here.

#1 Use of the Horn – I got honked at today. My feelings got hurt. I plotted revenge for a full four hours. My husband asked, “What were you doing?” That is not the right attitude. The question is, “What is wrong with that person?” I decided to cut this person (yes, you, in the gold car, whatever kind of car it was) some slack. In Texas, we do not honk at someone when it is their choice whether to go or not. It is just not done. For instance, if someone is waiting for traffic to clear before going, you DO NOT honk at them. Your horn should be used sparingly in this southern state. We are a very polite people. You may honk (and by honk, I mean gently tap on the horn, not lay on it) if a light turns green and the person has not gone after a slow count of 2-Mississippi. Or, you may honk if someone begins to change lanes in front of you, a little too closely – again, a light tap. The only time you may either lay on the horn or tap repeatedly is if you see someone you know. This is a friendly way of saying “Hello!” The horn is not a means of communicating anger. Repeat – the horn is not a means of communicating anger. You may use the middle finger, under the dash, for this. And you may call other drivers any sort of creative string of cuss words that you want, as long as you smile while doing it. Remember that we are allowed to carry concealed weapons in Texas – and we like our high-powered weapons.

#2 Two Lane Highways – On the highways where you have one lane going in either direction, if someone gets up on your tail because they want to pass you, it is proper etiquette to pull over onto the shoulder (slowing down slightly) to let them pass. And then, and here is the most important part that no one is remembering these days, the driver that was allowed to pass should either give a little wave to say thank you, or if he has tinted windows, he should flash his emergency flashes for a couple of seconds to express appreciation.

#3 The Fast Lane – Ok, so we like to speed in Texas. If the speed limit is 65, it is assumed that you will go at least 70. Rumor is that you can get away with eight over, but I wouldn’t want to test that. That being said, if you are not going at least 10 over the limit, you ONLY get in the fast lane if you need to pass. In case you are unaware, the fast lane is the far left lane on a highway. If a big ol’ pickup truck gets right up behind you while you are in the fast lane, that means you are going too slow in that lane. Pull to the middle. And by golly, if you are going to pass, speed up to do it.

#4 Tailgating – Just don’t do it. It’s stupid, rude, and dangerous. If someone is not going fast enough for you, just pass them. Good grief.

That should be enough to get you by while you are down here. If you have any questions, please ask. And if any of my Texan friends can think of anything I forgot, please add away. Now, drive safe, y’all.